The Second Time Around....

So I've finally decided to write this after six months of breastfeeding. I was kind of worried that I would jinx myself but I've already surmounted many of my fears and superstitions involving it so I gave myself the green light. Plus, I figure maybe my struggles can help a friend out by learning from my mistakes (and yes I made many, don't be shocked).

I suppose I should begin by reviewing my last experience with nursing Mary. I went into my pregnancy with her saying that I would NEVER have a natural birth and not being all that sure about nursing her. As my pregnancy progressed, I became so sure that I wanted to breastfeed her despite not knowing what the hell I was doing. I didn't really grow up being exposed to breastfeeding at all. Most of the women in my family formula fed. Even my grandmother told me I was nuts (and she's mentioned it occasionally at family gatherings no less. Yeah. Awesome). I had a few issues with Mary in the beginning. Her latch was terrible and I had cracked, bleeding nipples. It was so painful. I went back to the lactation consultant at Holyoke Hospital and she helped IMMENSELY. The beginning was tough. Waking in the middle of the night to feed, and I was in pain, and tired... and a few times I caved and gave her a bottle of formula that the hospital oh so conveniently blessed me with (sarcasm). I had the wrong mindset. I was a first-time mom who was nervous about everything and I should have just been nursing her whenever she wanted. I almost felt it was inconvenient. If we were going somewhere and I wasn't sure where I'd be able to nurse her I would bring a bottle just in case. Thankfully, she never had issues with formula. I went back to work at 7 weeks postpartum unprepared and not even sure how my archaic rental pump really worked. I fell farther and farther behind in being able to pump enough to feed her while I was at work. I tried everything over the next couple months to get my supply up. I tried herbs, teas, beer, pumping more... nothing was working. After a while I couldn't even make enough for one feeding and she was left hungry and crying and I felt like a failure. I managed to have the birth I wanted, using only my body, and I couldn't manage to feed her the same way. I ended up really enjoying nursing and I hated giving it up. I wasn't ready.

Fast forward to my second pregnancy. I was determined to make a better experience. One of the first steps I took was to take a longer leave. I arranged with work to get someone to fill in for me so I could take 24 weeks of leave instead of coming back part-time after FMLA. Hey, it's one of the perks of working for a union and the Commonwealth! Woot. I spent much of my pregnancy reading kellymom and blogs. I made a goal for myself that I would nurse my son through his first year. This would be QUITE the jump from the 4 months that I lasted with Mary!

Let me add a disclaimer to the rest of this post. I totally support women and families that decide not to breastfeed. I think that we all need to make the decision that is best for us. This was our decision. There is no one that better understands how hard nursing can be like someone who's done it! I had to take up a certain attitude in order to reach my OWN goals. I am not anit-formula, but I am definitely against the tactics that companies use to undermine breastfeeding when we decide to do it. We should all make the decision on how to feed our children because it's an informed decision and not because of an ad campaign or false information and myths. We should have NO regrets.

Change #1: changing to midwives for care and a baby friendly hospital. I absolutely LOVED going to a midwifery as opposed to an OB. Midwives usually have more experience in breastfeeding so they were wonderful when I asked questions. Plus I felt that I was more likely to get the natural birth I wanted with them. Going to Cooley-Dickinson was awesome. All of the nurses were lactation consultants and they never tried to supplement Jack even though he ended up in the nursery for 18 hours. They were wonderful about getting me into the nursery to feed him myself. I often wonder if I would have been as successful nursing him if my hospital experience had been different. Also, because they are baby friendly, I never received samples and there was never any talk about supplementing at all, which was the best start I could have had!

Change #2: Surrounding myself with a great support system. This is so so important. Over the years as women we have lost a lot of the knowledge and wisdom regarding breastfeeding. In between the time that I had both kids, I gained such a wonderful group of women that were so open with info and encouragement. It's amazing what a difference it makes. I think that most women are like that that have breastfed. They enjoy it so much and want to share, so I could ask them anything!

Change #3: Banning formula from my house in the beginning. I said this to my husband and he kind of went "but what if we need it?" to which I said "well, I don't plan on needing it. And if there's an 'emergency' it's down the street so no one's going to die". And here's why this is an important step: as much as you want and intend on breastfeeding, there WILL be times in the beginning that you will think about caving... times when you are sleep deprived, when you're desperate, when all you can do is cry because 2 hours of sleep is NOT enough by any means. Don't have that temptation in your house if it's not necessary. You need to make sure that putting that baby on your boob is the EASIEST thing to do.

Change #4: This time I prepared to go back to work better. I bought a great pump at about a month and a half postpartum and started saving a supply. This way I wouldn't have to supplement for growth spurts etc. I really learned the mechanisms behind lactation. It really is a *system* between you and your baby.

Change #5: The change from when I had Mary was that memory of giving this up with her and how shitty it felt. Remembering that feeling made me appreciate it the second time around and prioritize it above work, above selfish desires, and above other people's hang-ups. I'm not going to feel bad or be embarrassed by feeding my kid. Not anymore.

So I'm more than half-way through my goal of one year. It's like any goal that you may have. My husband trained for a marathon and it's funny how similar the journey is. We all have our goals and this is mine. I will be relieved when I reach itl, but I also know that I probably won't want to give it up. I guess we'll have to see how long this boy still wants to nurse for I guess!

It kind of makes me sad that my relationship with my daughter may have been different had we continued longer. In the end, I've just had to relish the time that we DID have. I try to regret anything that much. It was that experience that made me the person I am now... and I like who I've become and the mom that I am now. Go figure!

Cookie Recipe

Hi everyone! I've had several friends ask me for this lactation cookie recipe (which I received from a friend also!). So I figured I would post it on here so you could all have it. They are really good and good for you, whether or not you use them for lactation. The flaxmeal is a great source of omega 3's!

1 c. butter (2 sticks)

1 c. brown sugar

4 tbsp. water

2 tbsp. flaxseed meal

2 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

2 c. flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. salt

3 c. oats

1 c. raisins/craisins/chocolate chips

½ c. slivered almonds

2 tbsp. brewer’s yeast

Preheat oven to 375°F. Mix the flax and water together andlet it sit for 3-5 minutes. Mix the butter & sugar, add eggs, stir inflax/water mixture. Add vanilla and blend well. Combine the other ingredients(flour, soda, salt) gradually and mix well. Add oats and rest of ingredientslast.

Bake 10-15 minutes until lightly golden brown.

The “dose” is 4 cookies a day.

I'm baaaack....

Oh my it's been a while since I've blogged anything. Let me bring you up to speed. We are good, still alive and well, baby is walking like a champ, she can pee on the potty, I can still pee on the potty too (yay!), and we are excited to have Saint Patrick's Day festivities this week and weekend! I hold my heritage very close to my heart so to be able to share that with my child is very important!

Amazingly after the numerous times that I've moved around, I still have my knit sweater from when I was young. It was given to me by my godparents and I believe that they bought it in Ireland for me. The fact that now she can wear it, is so wonderful! So this weekend we will head down to Holyoke because my hubby is running in the road race on Saturday, and then the parade is on Sunday. I am crossing my fingers for no rain, and for it to at least be somewhat nice! It's a really nice time to get together for us, and I love seeing everybody! I definitely don't party like a used to but I have a kid now, so I really don't want to anyway!

Some minor plans for the future are joining a book club, retaking my knitting class, and getting the yard ready for spring! Last year my garden was saaaaad. The herbs were good as usual, but my corn kept getting eaten by some creature and my tomatoes were all kinds of disappointing (but that seemed to be common considering the rainy summer we had last year). This year, I think I will do peppers again, and perhaps broccoli and kale. Any suggestions for good garden items are welcome!!!

Happy Spring!!!

December 3, 2008

Upon the first birthday of my first baby, I thought that I would recap the glorious day one year ago when Mary came into my life! I'm sure that some of the details have been lost, but to the best of my ability, this is the story I can tell her (much to her annoyance probably) on her birthday every year!

In the final days of my pregnancy, I had only gained about 25 pounds and was still doing pretty well. I had bought a prenatal yoga DVD which was fabulous and I continued to do the exercises right up until the end. I was still working. I probably could have worked until the day she was born, but I decided to leave the week before I was due. Quite frankly, I was emotionally not up for dealing with working anymore; physically I was fine!

The funniest thing is that the day Mary was born I had an appointment with my other OB, oh and it was my due date, and she wasn't even going to do a cervical exam because I had no signs of labor. But I told her to do it anyway, because, hey, I was there and why not. 1 centimeter, mayyyyybe 2. and then..... the talk. Yes the dreaded induction talk. She may as well have been talking about decapitating puppies. This talk may have been the mental push I needed to get my hormones rocking, because about three hours later my contractions started (after a lovely lunch with John at Nick O'Neils).

I was laying on my couch at 2:00 drinking a peppermint mocha from Starbucks (yah I know it's espresso, but I was nine freaking months pregnant people! I treated myself), watching A Baby Story on TLC, which is a terrible show for pregnant women (or ANY woman really) to watch. Not only is it edited like crazy, but it puts all these thoughts in your head. Every woman is different. I mean, not three hours before I got the "talk" from my OB. And lo and behold, there they were. Cute little cramps. They start like little pains, and you think, awe man, are these Braxton-Hicks? But they were 12 minutes apart, then 10, then 6. So I got my hospital bag ready just in case. It was manageable. Plus it was my first baby, right, so obviously this will take an eternity. I called John at about 5ish to ask if he was on his way home because I "thought" I may be having contractions. He was picking up his suit. Ok, cool. I'll just chill until he gets home and then we'll take it from there. By 6:30, I was on the floor on all fours, because it was the only thing that helped. I called him again, "please tell me that you are on your way home." "I'm pulling into the driveway right now" he says. Thank god. The reason it took so long for him to get home is quite adorable, unless you are in labor, and then stopping at dsw to buy shoes is not as funny.

We got to the birth center at about 7, and I got checked in. I was 4-5 centimeters. I told them no epi's. One of the nurses came in to check the monitors and it turned out to be a friend of mine from high school! How funny is that? She asked me if I was ok with her being there, or if it was too weird, and honestly, I loved that she was there. It didn't feel as foreign, especially since neither of my OBs were on call that night, and it was nice to know somebody there! So knowing that I didn't want an epi, the other nurse recommended the shower. I wanted the birthing tub, but there was only one, and that room was taken. So I sat in the shower for 45 minutes in between monitorings. John stood there holding the shower on me; he was soaking wet from the knees down. At this point, since my water never broke, all I kept thinking was that the contractions were going to get worse... and that was unfathomable to me at that time. I didn't know how long I would last. So I told them, I'm probably going to need something... SOMETHING! I didn't know what. Crack? Meth? Ruffies? Whatever. But the nurses knew I didn't really want anything, and they did a great job of stalling (which I didn't realize at the time but now I am so grateful that they knew I could go longer. I read somewhere that it's really common for women in natural childbirth to do that, but the nurses or midwives can tell when we REALLY need something, and they held out.) Then bloodwork, then IV, which exploded in my left hand and they redid in my right. In the meantime, I was having mega-contractions. The kind that could kill a man and there were peaks on the monitor to prove it. Then, checked so that we could "talk" about pain relief. To the disbelief of my nurse, and confirmed by my other nurse, I was 9.5 cm and she was very low. Sooooo, no drugs, huh? Nope.

After a fairly short amount of pushing, Miss Mary came flying out into the world and onto my chest at 10:57 PM, a nine hour labor, not bad! She was the most perfect thing I'd ever seen. It was still unbelievable that she was in there the whole time... that we had made THAT. Amazing. 6.5 pounds and 21 inches of perfection.

I had a pretty good recovery. I mean, mostly I was just tired. Lack of sleep will do that to you. I know I'm supposed to talk about how excruciating it all was, but it was so fast and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. At a year old, I still love her more every day.

Happy birthday to my muffin!

December 1

Can you freakin' believe it's December already? Oh my god, I can't. Lately I have been really nostalgic about the last year. I have been remembering being pregnant at this time a year ago. Most of the the fear was gone by this time, the room was ready, and I was hopelessly trying to find clothes that fit (yah right!). All in all I was still feeling really good, walking, and doing pre-natal yoga. On this day last year, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist, the infamous god-send Terri Tangredi. She did the usual treatment for my sciatica, and also did an induction procedure. If it is going to work she said, it usually will in about 48 hours and labor will start. Well, guess what? It DID. I will be posting a recap of December 3rd, 2009, when I became a mom to the sweetest baby this side of the Mississippi. Don't worry, I will only mention my cervix a couple times, hehehe.

In the meantime, I love this article, and the title is hilarious.

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/pelvis.asp

Chickens & Parties

Sorry that I haven’t written much lately, but I’m sure you all understand, I’m a pretty busy momma. So here’s an update on the family lately.
I am sorry to update that my step-grandmother passed away last month at 96. She was so sweet and will be sorely missed by all of her family! I will definitely think of her every time that I attempt the Sunday crossword, which she completed, usually in its entirety and in a couple of hours flat.
Halloween was unseasonably warm this year. We bought Mary a cute chicken costume with the assumption that it would keep her nice and toasty, but instead she just sweat like a little Italian baby. Oh well! We took her around to some of our family and then got home just in time to give out candy to, like, five kids. Since then we have been eating the leftover candy ourselves. This hasn’t helped much in my desire to trim my midsection so I guess that will have to wait until after the holidays.

Miss Mary is getting so big, and I am totally in denial that she’s going to be a year old. I can’t even believe how fast time flies; it seems like only yesterday I was holding her for the first time, aaaand she was screaming like a banshee. Good times!
Lately, we have been working on walking. She took a few steps on her own last weekend. She stands on her own too, but then as soon as she wants to move plops down and crawls. I think it’s just a confidence issue, and any day now she’s just going to decide that she wants to walk everywhere instead. We will be very tired after that day, running around after her!
I am currently trying to figure out details for her party although it’s still a couple weeks away. I know the time will fly though so I want to plan as much as I can now. I much prefer going to parties than planning them. I’m sure I’ll be adding pictures somewhere for the big event!

Parenthood? Oh now I get it....

I think I may have figured out this whole parenting thing. Basically, as parents, we are in charge of our kids heads and brains from being damaged. Let me break it down for you....
When they are still in the womb, we worry about their head facing in the right direction when they are ready to be born.
When they are newborns until 3 months, we make sure their heads don't flop around when they can't hold them up themselves.
When they are old enough to crawl, we try to keep them from bumping their heads into walls, furniture, the coffee table.
And then, of course, when they started to stand and walk, we need to keep them from head-butting things, falling down the stairs, falling head-first off the couch....

I need a nap just thinking about this....