- John, I regret to inform you that all of the fantasy football leagues, like, everywhere, have been cancelled, forever. Bummer.
- Neil, sorry that your girlfriend moved to Mumbai. bummer dude.
- Kelly, you have been globally banned from playing Wii. Way harsh.
- Mike, Paper City beer is made from puppies. ewe.
- Tim, there's a huge bag of goat weiners on your front porch. No idea how they got there.
- Martha, I really think that Vulture Willets is an awesome name. Go for it!
- Maggie, lets get together and eat cheese.
- Jen, there's a creampuff with our name on it at the Big E. I will wear stretchy pants.
On a good note, the premier of Always Sunny is this week!!! Suh-weeeeet!

Ok. Vulture Willetts it is. Now I just need a middle name.
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